Dearest Heather.

A friend of mine is living in Ecuador as an English teacher, for the next year. We kinda sorta mentioned a little something about keeping each other updated on our new journeys through our blogs. She upheld her end of the deal thus far. I, on the other hand, have not posted since July 22. My apologies Heather.

School has been in session for about a month now, and I'm surprised at how well things are going. Of course, I'm striving for that unattainable perfection and still figuring things out as I go along. I have a great supportive and experience team by my side. There is more to learn than I could have ever imagined.

My complaints about my course load in college have come to fruition. No amount of credit hours or projects that seem pointless, can prepare you for what you experience in the classroom. There is a lot of "learn as you go" and "take initiative" type situations. Students really do look at you as if you know everything, and honestly, that's somewhat scary. Luckily my actual teaching experience is completely different from that of student teaching. I feel as if I'm actually learning and that my environment is structured to make me successful.

There's more and more and more, but I'll be sure to post more often so that Heather can be all up in the business.

My mom chuckles

and tells me “You’re ridiculous.” when I mention to her how difficult it is for me to make friends. It’s no exaggeration and I’m not being dramatic. I really find it challenging to make/keep friends. Maybe the fact that I cried every night of 9th and 10th grade after changing schools, because I didn’t have any friends, was not a good enough clue for her.

It’s most challenging because off the bat, most people don’t “get” my “humor.” And I say “humor,” because I’m never really quite trying to be funny, I just am. I’m silent a lot of the time (unless I feel like what I’m saying is important), I’m comfortable in silence, if you can join me in that silence, then we can be friends. Hence the issue with keeping friends. I do.not.like.talking on the telephone.

I’m not the most sharing person either, for me to tell you a secret, something serious from what I call a past life, or emotions, I must really trust you. I feel as if I’m giving you a part of myself, I just can’t go doing that all willy nilly. (Is that too serious?)

Other people are more likely to call me their friend before I do the same. It’s not that I don’t like people, I’m just wary of trusting and bringing any kind of person into my life. With that being said, I’m apprehensive about moving and creating a social life. It’s going to be more challenging that starting my new career.

Medicine for Melancholy

It's been a while since I've heard about this film, and I'm not quite sure what took me so long to finally watch it. Overall I enjoyed it and I found that many aspects seemed realistic. It highlights a different "type" of African-American/Black, and I appreciated that more than I thought I would. The social issues weaved within the film made it more than about romance. Although I knew how it would end, I still thought it was worth seeing how they got there.

Someone pointed out to me that it seemed as if it were missing something, something that 500 Days of Summer had. I'm not sure what I believe about that, because both, 500 Days of Summer and Medicine for Melancholy, elicited different emotions and thoughts. Nevertheless, I enjoyed both, and I dare say I'm watching it again as I type.


p.s. I'm noooo film critic.

80 days and a lifetime to go

I really want to write and write and write about my life, but each time I form the sentences with my truths and thoughts, I become angry. Due to the past 5 months, the next 3 or 4 years are going to be drastically different from what I imagined. I don't know whether to change my standards or drop them all together and buy some new ones.

I'm trying to find something, anything to keep me from drowning.

Got This Money-Donald Glover

Got This Money (Ace Hotel) from Donald Glover on Vimeo.

I don't know why. I don't know.

Tightrope-Janelle Monae feat B.o.B and Lupe Fiasco

Tightrope (Wondamix) ft. B.o.B & Lupe Fiasco

Janelle Monae | MySpace Music Videos

For the past three weeks I've spent a significant amount of time with approximately fifty high schoolers. I crack jokes and complain, but in the end I really care for their well being and success. Considering that the program is college prep, we spend a lot of time doing academic, cultural, and social enrichment. Plenty of these kids do not have access to anything/anyone outside of their community; therefore, they have limited understanding of many things. Regardless, they have common sense and they understand their role in society, the perceptions others have of them, and how society tends to treat them.

This whole month, I've been aware of thes pairs of eyes that follow our group as we walk through crowds or into building. I've been aware of the glares, the mutters, and the judgments I can read on faces. I've been aware. And I've been annoyed--to say the least.

We've been volunteering at a children's museum, where the clientele and my students create quite the dichotomy. Today when we did our final reflection we did something called two pluses and a delta. It means they list two positive aspects and one aspect they wished could have changed. Each student that shared, said they would change the way the parents perceived them. They wished the parents wouldn't judge them by the way they looked, and allow their children to play with them.

Their job was simple. Interact with the children, and they felt as if they couldn't do their job.

The cherry that topped everything off. On our walk back to campus a few students came to me and said the previous week, a random man in the street called them "niggers." I was furious. He was at the same spot today, and bothered to mutter negative comments under his breath. Now, typically these kids will fight/yell/swear at the drop of the hat, but they didn't. I told them I was proud because they didn't make a choice that would cause them more trouble, but under my skin I was livid that this man would take the time out of his day to insult my kids.

I am in love with civic engagement (community service), and it's difficult to convince these students they should continue to give back to their community, especially when the community treats them the way it does.

ugh.

365 Project

I'm of the mindset that pictures should be taken during happy, exiting, riveting times.

Right now, I'm not getting much of that.

Therefore, I haven't been taking pictures. I don't even know what day I'm on.

I also attribute my slackness to the lack of a legitimate camera.

I want to give up on this one and start again someday when I feel more prepared. Honestly, if I were to show the pictures of my life right now, it would be full of my resume, bare bank account, stress (can I take a picture of that), and the feeling of failure (dramatic...i know).

We'll see how I feel.

and it all comes full circle...

I love that phrase. I love when it just slips right off my tongue at the most appropriate time in the most appropriate situations. I have no idea of the reasoning, but it's lovely when it fits.

and it all comes full circle...

I'm back in the dorm of my freshman year. A room similar to the one I shared with my Hello Kitty obsessed high school companion, "raunchy" suitemates, and my self discovery. I'm a counselor for a program emphasizing the importance of college for first generation students. Oh how the things have changed.

After sitting in this room alone for a few hours my mind began to race. The person who I have become, is who I wish I could have been starting college. I can think of a slew of ways that I have changed since the beginning of college, but listing would take more than I'm willing to give right now. Things would have been extremely different. Consequently, life lessons would have been different, molding me into another person. College gave me the opportunity to branch out, to be brave, in a sense. I lived in a sheltered home, and I wasn't given the chance to make the mistakes many of my peers did when I was in high school. Granted I am safe, overthinking plans and choices to make sure I won't regret my choice and loathw my consequences. Nevertheless, when the end of my college senior year rolled around, I felt like I was just getting it, I was just becoming comfortable with the idea of me, only to have my world turned upside down and to be presented with unfamiliarity and insecurities once again.


So actually, I'm not sure that anything has "come full circle" for me yet. There is no sense of closure, and I haven't been able to pinpoint the most important lessons I've had from this experience. I imagine when I become a member of the "real world" I'll appreciate the skills I've acquired, the people I have met, etc etc etc.

*shrug* We'll see.






i don't feel like proofreading.

This may be the first time I have more pictures than days. These two are some of my favorites from the trip.


Love Park

There were mosaic murals like this all over South St. There's also an exhibit in a place called Magic Gardens