For the past three weeks I've spent a significant amount of time with approximately fifty high schoolers. I crack jokes and complain, but in the end I really care for their well being and success. Considering that the program is college prep, we spend a lot of time doing academic, cultural, and social enrichment. Plenty of these kids do not have access to anything/anyone outside of their community; therefore, they have limited understanding of many things. Regardless, they have common sense and they understand their role in society, the perceptions others have of them, and how society tends to treat them.

This whole month, I've been aware of thes pairs of eyes that follow our group as we walk through crowds or into building. I've been aware of the glares, the mutters, and the judgments I can read on faces. I've been aware. And I've been annoyed--to say the least.

We've been volunteering at a children's museum, where the clientele and my students create quite the dichotomy. Today when we did our final reflection we did something called two pluses and a delta. It means they list two positive aspects and one aspect they wished could have changed. Each student that shared, said they would change the way the parents perceived them. They wished the parents wouldn't judge them by the way they looked, and allow their children to play with them.

Their job was simple. Interact with the children, and they felt as if they couldn't do their job.

The cherry that topped everything off. On our walk back to campus a few students came to me and said the previous week, a random man in the street called them "niggers." I was furious. He was at the same spot today, and bothered to mutter negative comments under his breath. Now, typically these kids will fight/yell/swear at the drop of the hat, but they didn't. I told them I was proud because they didn't make a choice that would cause them more trouble, but under my skin I was livid that this man would take the time out of his day to insult my kids.

I am in love with civic engagement (community service), and it's difficult to convince these students they should continue to give back to their community, especially when the community treats them the way it does.

ugh.

365 Project

I'm of the mindset that pictures should be taken during happy, exiting, riveting times.

Right now, I'm not getting much of that.

Therefore, I haven't been taking pictures. I don't even know what day I'm on.

I also attribute my slackness to the lack of a legitimate camera.

I want to give up on this one and start again someday when I feel more prepared. Honestly, if I were to show the pictures of my life right now, it would be full of my resume, bare bank account, stress (can I take a picture of that), and the feeling of failure (dramatic...i know).

We'll see how I feel.

and it all comes full circle...

I love that phrase. I love when it just slips right off my tongue at the most appropriate time in the most appropriate situations. I have no idea of the reasoning, but it's lovely when it fits.

and it all comes full circle...

I'm back in the dorm of my freshman year. A room similar to the one I shared with my Hello Kitty obsessed high school companion, "raunchy" suitemates, and my self discovery. I'm a counselor for a program emphasizing the importance of college for first generation students. Oh how the things have changed.

After sitting in this room alone for a few hours my mind began to race. The person who I have become, is who I wish I could have been starting college. I can think of a slew of ways that I have changed since the beginning of college, but listing would take more than I'm willing to give right now. Things would have been extremely different. Consequently, life lessons would have been different, molding me into another person. College gave me the opportunity to branch out, to be brave, in a sense. I lived in a sheltered home, and I wasn't given the chance to make the mistakes many of my peers did when I was in high school. Granted I am safe, overthinking plans and choices to make sure I won't regret my choice and loathw my consequences. Nevertheless, when the end of my college senior year rolled around, I felt like I was just getting it, I was just becoming comfortable with the idea of me, only to have my world turned upside down and to be presented with unfamiliarity and insecurities once again.


So actually, I'm not sure that anything has "come full circle" for me yet. There is no sense of closure, and I haven't been able to pinpoint the most important lessons I've had from this experience. I imagine when I become a member of the "real world" I'll appreciate the skills I've acquired, the people I have met, etc etc etc.

*shrug* We'll see.






i don't feel like proofreading.